mytax[at]adams.net (Missy Doyle) wrote:

- quote -

Of course they do. A CPA I know just told me an actuary joke:

Q: What's the difference between an extraverted actuary
and an introverted actuary?

A: The extraverted actuary looks down that the other guy's
shoes.

Stu

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- quote -

Sounds teriffic! I'm calling the Holiday Inn today!

Kate, EA in PA

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"Dick Adams" <rdadams[at]smart.net> wrote:

- quote -

Where do you live that the nursing homes charge over $5,600
per month? Here in San Antonio it's more like $120 per day.
Only leaves approximately $70 per day for meals, etc.

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Dick Adams <rdadams[at]smart.net> wrote:

- quote -

I love it! I love it! And who said that tax people don't
have a sense of humor?

Missy Doyle IL

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No nursing home for me! I'm checking into the Holiday Inn.

With the average daily cost for a nursing home reaching
$188.00, there is a better way when we get old and feeble. I
have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.
For a combined long-term stay discount and senior discount,
it's $49.23 per night.

That leaves $138.77 a day for:
- Breakfast, lunch, and dinner in any restaurant I want, or
room service.

- Laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies.

- Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a
lounge, washer, dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and
razors, and all have free shampoo and soap. They treat you
like a customer, not a patient. $5.00 worth of tips a day
will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

- There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.
The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a
decent limp).

- To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays.

- For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and
eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at
the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps
building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday
Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck
in one place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even
from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday
Inn there, too.

- TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress
replaced? No problem. They fix everything and apologize
for the inconvenience.

- The Inn has a night security person and some have daily
room service. The maid checks if you are OK. If not, they
will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and
break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn
will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

- And no worries about visits from family. They will always
be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days
mini-vacation. The grandkids can use the pool. What more
can you ask for?

So, when I reach the golden age I'll face it with a grin.

Just forward all my emails to the Holiday Inn!"

Upon telling this story at a dinner with friends and too
much red wine, we came up with even more benefits Holiday
Inn provides to retirees:

- Most standard rooms have coffeemakers, reclining chairs,
satellite TV, and internet connections all you need to enjoy
a cozy afternoon.

- After a movie and a good nap, you can check on your
children (free local phone calls), then take a stroll to the
lounge or restaurant where you meet new and exotic people
every day.

- Many Holiday Inns even feature live entertainment on the
weekends.

- Often they have special offers, too, like the Kids Eat
Free Program. You can invite your grandkids over after
school to have a free dinner with you. Just tell them not to
bring more than three friends.

- Pick a Holiday Inn where they allow pets, and your best
friend can keep you company as well.

- If you want to travel, but are a bit skittish about
unfamiliar surroundings, in a Holiday Inn you'll always feel
at home because wherever you go, the rooms all look the
same.

- And if you're getting a little absent-minded in your old
days, you never have to worry about not finding your
room--your electronic key fits only one door and the helpful
bellman or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.

Being skeptical, we called a Holiday Inn to check this story
out--and are happy to report that they were positively giddy
at the idea of us checking in for a year or more. They even
offered to negotiate the rate (we could have easily knocked
them down to $40 a night!).

See you at the Inn!

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