On Apr 7, 3:32*pm, "mussano...[at]gmail.com" <mussano...[at]gmail.comwrote:
- quote -

I knew a guy who ran a financial advisory service. He had a full time
psychologist on staff. Your situation is mostly a family issue, with
financial management thrown in. You can't just deal with the finance
separately from the relationship issue. As others have said, stay
away unless they come to you first. As in AA, the first step is the
acknowledgement of the existence of a problem. Before that you can't
do anything about it.

On Tue, 7 Apr 2009 18:21:45 -0500, honda.lioness[at]gmail.com wrote:

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IMO Elle's comments are insightful, and remind me that most financial
problems are not caused solely by poor financial activities. At the
root the most "financial problems" is a personal problem
(relationships, judgment, discipline, etc.) - poor financials are
simply how the problem shows itself.

To be effective, discovering and dealing with the real problem should
be the starting point. (Anybody ever noticed how someone gets out of
debt, only to be back in debt after some time has elapsed?)





-HW "Skip" Weldon
Columbia, SC

If your mother has money in trusts, she may not be able to take money
from trusts help her ex husband, even if she wanted to, no?

i

In article
<7020ee07-6196-4c36-9731-4f6c7a2cd28c[at]n33g2000vba.googlegroups.com> ,
"mussanona7[at]gmail.com" <mussanona7[at]gmail.com> wrote:

- quote -

I think all you can do is stand back and let it happen. They
have marriage problems, and are not fully committed to each
other. The money issues are just a small part of the larger
issues in their lives. If your dad isn't willing to think
with his head on the property and sell it, then he will probably
go bankrupt. If you get involved, you may not be able to stop
that, yet you will end up getting blamed for it. Like another
poster said, don't get involved in things that you cannot fix.

-john-

--
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John A. Weeks III * * * * * 612-720-2854 * * * * * *john[at]johnweeks.com
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Apply the old adage, "Be able to accept that which you cannot
control." It is highly likely they are going to dig themselves into
welfare. Unless they ask for help, there is little you can do other
than make suggestions, expect them to be ignored, and not give or loan
them any money whatsoever.

Be strong as they destroy themselves. Do not in-turn self-destruct
when there is virtually nothing you can do anyway. A drink once a
week; fresh air; sports; frugal vacations; whatever it takes to
preserve your own happiness as their lives enter the sewer. At some
point when your kids can grasp what happened, use your parents as a
lesson.

I am looking for advice on beneficial ways I can help my parents
through their current financial crisis.

In brief: My mom has assets from a prior marriage that are sheltered
in trusts, etc, in her name. My dad has significant credit card debt
that is accruing thousands per month in interest charges. Some of
this debt is due to his business, which is cyclical, and some I am
sure has arisen to support various indulgences for himself and my
mother. My dad has real estate he can sell to cover this debt but one
property has sentimental value that he seems to have trouble parting
with and the other is jointly owned. He has no other assets or
retirement accounts. My mother will provide him no assistance from
"her money." My dad becomes very upset if anyone in the family tries
to talk to him about his financial problems.

Both parents are in their 60's and I believe the main problem they are
both not dealing with is the transition from employment to retirement,
including the financial changes that requires.

If everyone in the family stands back and lets the current situation
continue as-is, it is likely my dad will have to file for bankruptcy
within a year or two. The situation right now is fixable if both my
mom and dad work together to scrimp and save and my mom bails him out
a little with "her money." My mom is not willing to touch "her money"
but still expects my dad to provide income for her to live on.

I don't think it is appropriate to bail out my parents when they have
the resources to fix this problem on their own. I would be willing to
pay for an appointment for my dad with a fee-only financial planner
but I am not sure if this is a good idea or would just make things
worse.

Anyone been here before? Thanks!