"Les_Duck" <lesliedexduck[at]yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1129224168.981572.323610[at]g43g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...

- quote -

Keep in mind that about 50% of marriages end in divorce. So there is a high
probability that in the future you will look back on your wedding expenses
with some regret. Why do 50% of marriages go wrong? One contributing factor
is financial stress. So, other things being equal, the more you spend on a
wedding, the greater the chance that in the future you will regret spending
anything at all.

Les -

The 10% for the ring, I heard. For the wedding, I haven't heard of a
rule of thumb (and no one else posted, that I saw). Weddings in the
past have been to some extent a fanfare or even ostentation - some sign
of family net worth - and it seems a lot of posts here seem to suggest
that. A wedding is, after all, a ceremony. An estimated cost based on
the number of guests struck me as a good answer. Their customary levels
of comfort and habits figure in that, too, as do yours.

If thou art still stuck, pick up a copy of "Miss Manners" (a book on
etiquette). It will serve you well to know the formalities you are
supposed to observe - greetings, introductions, etc. etc. etc. etc.
etc. etc.. - and it may contain a suggestion on ... ahem ...
appropriate levels of hosting. (Don't take the book too seriously -
very few people even know how to spell etiquette these days.)

Having just gotten a divorce, myself, I would suggest a rule of thumb
is that the wedding should not cost more than 10% of the divorce. Since
that may be difficult to estimate, the wedding should ring in at about
3x the bill for the prenuptial agreement.

Les_Duck wrote:
- quote -

Here is a good rule of thumb:

Figure out how much money you want to have saved up by the time you
retire, then calculate backwards to how much you need to have in saved
up right now in order to meet that goal (retirement savings). Then
calculate how much money your wife and you would need to cover 3 to 6
months expenses (emergency fund). Then calculate how much you need for
a down payment on a house or any other big purchases you want to make
in the next three years (planned purchases). Now total up all your
assets and then subtract retirement savings, emergency fund, and
planned purchases: whatever is left over is your budget for your
wedding.

Or, to paraphrase, whats reasonable to spend on a wedding depends
entirely on your financial circumstances and has nothing to do with
what anyone else spends on their weddings or what anyone else thinks is
reasonable to spend on wedding.

Andy

Les_Duck wrote:
- quote -

Here is a good rule of thumb:

Figure out how much money you want to have saved up by the time you
retire, then calculate backwards to how much you need to have in saved
up right now in order to meet that goal (retirement savings). Then
calculate how much money your wife and you would need to cover 3 to 6
months expenses (emergency fund). Then calculate how much you need for
a down payment on a house or any other big purchases you want to make
in the next three years (planned purchases). Now total up all your
assets and then subtract retirement savings, emergency fund, and
planned purchases: whatever is left over is your budget for your
wedding.

Or, to paraphrase, whats reasonable to spend on a wedding depends
entirely on your financial circumstances and has nothing to do with
what anyone else spends on their weddings or what anyone else thinks is
reasonable to spend on wedding.

Andy

On Thu, 13 Oct 2005 14:05:59 -0500, "Les_Duck"
<lesliedexduck[at]yahoo.com> wrote:

- quote -

Before I go off on one of my table-pounding tirades <grin> about the
importance of living within one's means, three questions:

1. What is the value of your house and what is the mortgage balance?
2. How do you plan to get the extra 10K for the wedding?
3. Any plans for children in the next few years, and will both of you
continue to work at your current income levels?


-HW "Skip" Weldon
Columbia, SC

"Les_Duck" <lesliedexduck[at]yahoo.com> wrote:
- quote -

There is no such guideline, but there extensive societal and
advertising pressure to spend as much as you can afford and much, much
more.

- quote -

That statement comes from the jewelry companies. The value of the
rings lies in the hearts of the owners.

- quote -

That's a lot of flash and glitz. Who are you trying to impress?

D.
--
Touch-twice life. Eat. Drink. Laugh.

-Resolved: To be more temperate in my postings.
Oct 5th, 2004 JDL

Only two comments:

I presume you have inquired at online wedding fora. If not, do. I bet this
comes up a lot. Not sure it's your cup of tea, but there is also a "frugal
living" newsgroups, and I bet weddings have come up. Might have some ideas
on how to "shop around" so, as someone else pointed out, you don't get too
ripped off on the liquor.

Congratulations on knowing your and your spouse-to-be's financial situations
so well and having no formidable debt (so it sounds!)!

"Les_Duck" <lesliedexduck[at]yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1129224168.981572.323610[at]g43g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
- quote -

You have done good planning. Now, do yourself a huge favor and make it 10K
instead of 15. You can do it! Pare those expenses to the bone! The 5K would
make a wonderful start in a Vanguard fund, and 5 years from now you will not
be remembering the wedding too often, and maybe the Vanguard fund will have
grown to 10K, who knows?

Thanks for the great information so far. I totally understand that
finacial problems are a big problem for many couples.
What I was hoping for was some general formula for determining a
wedding budget. For example, is there a percentage of our combined
salary? Like 10% or so? After all, there is a statement about 2
months salary for the engagement ring.

Just some finacinal background:
We have house and paid off cars.

The debt is:
-mortgage
-student loans ~30K
-no credit card

Retirement:
-One of us max 401(k) + IRA
-the other does IRA

Cash Reserves:
-6 months of living for both of us

Wedding fund:
5K currently allocated.

We are thinking of having a small wedding, about 70 people. I'm
thinking of a budget of 15K. Any comments?

Les_Duck wrote:
- quote -

Les,
You're getting some very grumpy posts here. Certainly, you hear stories
of people who completely overextend on their wedding expenses, and it
puts them in the hole, and that's crazy. And depending on how you do it
you can get really low value for the money spent, and that's also crazy.

But this is a unique thing, it's probably the only time in your entire
life (other than your funeral) that all your friends & family will be in
one place. There are some things you decide to spend money on and for
most people, a wedding (really the party after the wedding) is one of them.

I think if you're a frugal person it makes sense to just apply that
frugality to putting on a really good party, whatever suits your style.
It might be a pot-luck or just a smaller wedding, or maybe less costly
by smart choice of venue. One thing that seems universal is that if you
go to a place that normally hosts weddings & let them do everything for
you, it's going to cost a heck of a lot more. Especially on the booze,
it's marked up, you know, 500%. You get much better value when you
arrange it in a more generic place - park, outdoor venue, home, whatever
- and find the catering & whatnot on your own, and find someone that'll
let you get all your beverages through costco. I think it ends up being
more memorable anyway, compared with a $150/plate place that the same
day hosts four other weddings and a junior prom.

But I don't see any rule of thumb, I can think of one wedding that was
all pot-luck, and another where the flower bill alone topped $30k, and
they were both memorable. It's like anything else, just don't spend
beyond your means, but that might mean $30k for flowers is just fine.

-Tad

When my daughter got married 2 years ago yesterday, her dad and I set her a
budget. 10K Anything over the budget came out of their pockets and
anything under they got in a check when everything was paid for. It was a
nice incentive for them to economize on the things they needed to but not be
cheap. The parents of the groom and her dad and I got together and gave
them their honeymoon trip as a joint gift. They got in way under budget and
the nice check I wrote when they got home from their honeymoon was used to
pay off all their bills so they started marriage debt free. Best 10K I ever
spent.

--
Kathy Morgan EA
H & R Block Master Tax Advisor
Proud Mom of Sgt RT Morgan
1/156 AR BN C Company
Louisiana Army National Guard

I remember my wedding cost 18K back in 1996, and it was a pretty decent
wedding with about 150 people. I think I got back a good chunk of the
money. How many people are you inviting? That will determine how much
you will get back.
Don't skimp out on this day. It only happens once ( well for most
people anyway). Hey at least you have the bachelor's party to look
forward to.
And enjoy it. Most receptions last 5 hours. It will be the fastest 5
hours you will experience ( depending how much alcohol is in you).

Not to subtract from your joy, but hopefully to promote more of it through
realistic thinking:

Financial problems are IIRC a leading cause of divorce in the U.S. As you
may have read, even expensive weddings have started couples down the path to
marital destruction on occasion. How awful to start a new life together but,
depending on the situation, with a heavy financial burden hanging around
one's neck.

So the rule of thumb to use depends on your and your spouse-to-be's
financial goals and current financial condition. Sit down with your
spouse-to-be, and discuss your practical goals: Are children planned? Have
you children already? How will you pay for college? Do you want to buy a
house someday? When? Do you have suitable transportation for both of you to
get to work (or whatever each of you does)? If not, the purchase of cars
must be considered. Can the two of you afford for one of you to stay home
with any kids that are planned? Do you have life insurance? Is it needed? Do
either of you have any debt? Have you discussed how you will handle the
marital monthly budget? What are each of you bringing to the table as far as
financial assets are concerned? From which of these goals will you be
borrowing to help finance your wedding? How much are each of you
contributing to your retirement plans this year? Is it the maximum amount?
If not, does it make rational sense not to contribute the maximum?

Who would be contributing more to this wedding? How does this person feel
about paying more?

Does a fancy wedding gig truly, actually further the promotion of a long,
happy marriage for the two of you?

By all reports, if you have this practical and very important discussion
before marriage, things will go so much better on many levels.

There is absolutely no such thing as "too cheap" if such a party is beyond a
couple's means or borrows too heavily from other, very important goals which
will serve the marriage better.

Buy what you can actually afford without being unhappy with other
sacrifices. If it turns out it's a very small, modest wedding, then take
vows to each other promising for a REALLY big "Renewal of Vows" ceremony on
your 30th anniversary. You can save for it together, which may actually
build a still deeper and more meaningful relationship than you have now.

Great question by you. Godspeed.

In article <1129139749.986935.322630[at]o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com> ,
"Les_Duck" <lesliedexduck[at]yahoo.com> wrote:

- quote -

I'd suggest spending between $6 and $9. Use the rest of the money
to pay off debts, pay off car loans, make down payment on a house,
or blow it all on travel and adventure. Wedding are just plain
silly given that half of all marriages break up.

-john-

--
================================================== ====================
John A. Weeks III 952-432-2708 john[at]johnweeks.com
Newave Communications http://www.johnweeks.com
================================================== ====================

In article <1129139749.986935.322630[at]o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com> ,
"Les_Duck" <lesliedexduck[at]yahoo.com> wrote:

- quote -


It depends who is paying for it and what the payer has to prove

At the low end our County Recorder will do a marriage during office
hours in the library gazebo for $40 (after paying $73 for the license) -
An appointment is required. The clerk stops what she is doing, slips on
a judicial robe, grabs a script and runs out to the gazebo. For more
information see http://www.sbcounty.gov/acr/

If this is ³payback time², ³keep up with the Jones². ³impress the
relatives and or inlaws², aussage guilt, then may be the the payer can
justify it but I think it is an inappropriate use of money.

If the payer is the father of the groom the money is better saved for
retirement, sending the siblings to college etc. If it is the bride and
groom then the money is better spent on paying off debt, down payment on
a residence etc.

I¹ve seen 100 people for the price of a Corolla 10 years ago, 250 people
for $35000 last year and 35 people for $4000.
--
Avrum Lapin avrum113[at]earthlink.net
Upland CA Remove NOSPAM from address

Hello -
Does anyone have a good rule of thumb when determining how much money
to spend on a wedding? The average rates of 20-25K seem really high. I
am generally a frugal person, but I also don't want to get too cheap on
this important day.

Thanks,
Les